I will spend the rest of my life in a state of "Forever Praise". My desire is to spend each moment of each day in a state of awareness of the Presence of God. Thanking Him for all that He has done for me. I say my desire because it is not as easy as it sounds. The cares of this world can quickly bring us down, without us even knowing. To stay in continual awareness of our Creator, our Saviour, our Friend, our Constant Companion will give such a sense of ease to our days and to those around us. People say "why do you laugh so much". I simply say it because of what Jesus has delivered me from.
He brought me out of a deep depression many years of drug and alcohol addiction, suicide attempts, episodes of self mutilation and extremely destructive behavior. I had lost contact with my children and I was in such a place of despair. "He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, And established my steps. He has put a new song in mouth- Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear, And trust in the Lord." (Psalm 40v2-3) God saved me in 2009, I did not become completely drug free until a year later. God delivered me and set me free, slowly but surely my life began to change. I was able to begin to breakaway from a destructive marriage and destructive behavior and depression and shame and self-hatred. The laughter came at a conference in Bishop, CA at my church "the River". The speaker was Steve Backlund and he spoke from such a place of truth to my spirit and the laughter came upon me and I have never been the same. I want to say earlier that day I had gone to the 10am session and alot of people were laughing and I was getting annoyed because I could not hear the speaker. Later that day I was engulfed in uncontrollable laughter. The chains began to break off and the freedom from depression was lifted. Cane Ridge Camp meetings (1800-1801) is one of the first documented experiences of "holy laughter", deliverance and freedom from lifelong depression, fear and sadness was a result from this joyful encounter with the Lord.
My experience of uncontrollable joy along with daily affirmations of truth. Began to change me from the inside out, even if you do not believe the positive declarations speak them. A saying in "AA" is fake it until you make it, that is not being fake that is acting above your emotions . I had been paralyzed with fear my mind was a playground for the devil. Jesus rules by Peace and Satan rules by fear. Submit to God resist the devil and he will flee. Never lose hope, He can and will deliver you from any and all afflictions, nothing is too big for Our God. I also want to say that it took almost being physically dead and mentally so confused and lost. Searching for the answer in all of the wrong places. That void could never be filled by anything other then the Love of our Jesus. I never thought I would be able to function in life again. I was tormented and broken and I thought beyond repair, but He being so gentle and patient never gave up on me and I will praise Him all of the days of my life. A yielded heart is a beautiful thing. Jesus is the answer!!!
Me reunited with my kids :) All the Glory goes to God!!
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